clarity & why it matters

Transcript

Speaker 0:20

All right. What's going on guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Extreme Lifestyle Living Podcast. Now, today what I want to talk about is clarity and why it matters. Clarity around your goals, clarity around your life, clarity around your relationships, clarity around your boundaries, clarity around absolutely everything. And you know, I know this can cause a lot of anxiety for a lot of people. And the reason why I know this causes a lot of anxiety because there's a concept called. Analysis paralysis, where if you analyze and analyze and analyze and plan and plan and plan and create blueprints and create algorithms in your life that you gotta stick by, you know, sometimes that's what clarity brings. There's a lot of things you need to do. You know what I mean? And sometimes that creates, I don't wanna say unrealistic expectations, but. It just makes us feel like we gotta follow a certain plan, which is right to a degree, but you know, we can't have that come at the expense of our life. And that's why I wanted to kind of break that down today. Clarity matters because you gotta have a direction. Clarity matters because you gotta know where you're going, why you're going, and all of everything that comes in between. Like prime example, to make it easy to have the conversation start, it is with your fitness, we can all, we all wanna be in better shape. We all wanna have more muscle mass. We all wanna lose body fat. We all wanna live until we're 150 years old, feeling our absolute best. But what does that look like for you? What is that clarity for you? Like? For me personally, I can exper, I can talk about that from every area of my fitness goals. At the beginning it was to lose weight. Lose body fat to have a more aesthetically pleasing body where I felt confident in the mirror. You know, that's very specific. I wanted to wear clothes where I felt good in my skin. I want to make sure that I get to, you know, look in the mirror and be happy with what I saw. You know, when it comes to summertime in the beach, I could take off my shirt and, you know, reveal myself for, in a confident manner where I didn't feel insecure, feel like I'd hide things and you know, judge myself and, you know, all these things in between. Right. So that, what that looked like is clarity around. Dropping 30 to 40 pounds, you know, clarity around gaining, you know, upwards of 20 pounds of muscle since I started training. 30 pounds of muscle since I started training at, uh, 14, 16, 18, 21. And the reason why that matters is for my mental health, you know, to feel good about everything. Same with my pain management, you know, my clarity around my goals when I wanted to be pain free. No lower back pain, no knee pain, no hip pain. No neck pain, no middle back pain. All that stuff is just stemming from irregular movement patterns, bad posture. My car accident was a huge thing. Having a few surgeries and you know, it's easy to have all of your fitness goals and that, that concept, or sorry, not that concept, that area of your life just on paper, do you know? And that makes sense, you know, and at every single one of you has to have some type of clarity around your goals. And we get last within seeing results. You know, after we see a little bit of results and we've been putting in time and effort into these things, you know, sometimes we lose. A little bit of the guidance, that's the clarity of these goals. Like, you know, that's why it's always so important to, you know, reintroduce new goals, re reanalyze your goals, you know, reflect on your goals and these things. So you're always having that next goalpost you're going for. But sometimes it's hard to find your clarity around your fitness or, um, sometimes it's hard to find your clarity around your mental health, clarity around your boundaries and your relationship and things like that, right? So, you know, when it comes to clarity around your boundaries and your life and where you want to take it, like you gotta know those things as well. Just as much as you gotta know your career. Uh, clarity. You gotta have clarity around your, uh, front answers. Clarity around your, you know, your, your job and things like that, and how you wanna retire. Like, it's just as important to have clarity around your boundaries. Like, do you, are you not respected enough? Do you need to feel more respected? Are you not seen or hurt or felt enough? Whether it's your friends, whether it's your family, whether it's your relationships with your partner, whatever that may be. But you gotta have clarity around these goals as well. You know, clarity around your anxiety, clarity around your stress, clarity around your depression, clarity around all those mental ailments that hinder us as humans, and they're all normal. We all experience anxiety, we all experience depression. We all have low self-esteem issues in terms of like, you know, feeling low about ourselves and all these regards. It's just normal. It's a part of life. Do you know what I mean? If you don't feel those ways, you're tend to be a self-centered, arrogant person and I don't want to, you know, that's not definitive. That's not meaning that you're that type of person if you don't struggle with these often,'cause it's not about. How much you struggle with them. The fact is we all struggle with them. So you need clarity around these things, you know? And the reason why this matters is because it's the same as your fitness goals. You gotta have goalposts and you know, kind of a blueprint. And some type of floor plan to know what you're following. You can't just, you know, wish things into existence. And the reason why clarity matters so much around your boundaries, your personal health, your mental health, your anxiety depression, your relationships is because you know where you're moving along their line. And that's why it's so important to have goals and like I said, the blueprints and all these things, but we can't get last in translation with that. Do you know what I mean? Like how do we track better anxiety? How do we track better depression? How do we track. Boundaries with our friends and our family members in all that regard and make sure we're moving the needle forward to see success. And you know, sometimes things take a lot longer than others and sometimes, you know, things don't change forever. Like prime example with me and my depression, I don't really suffer anxiety anymore. I would say I really suffer from depression because it's a stress induced thing now where I get. If I'm tired, I'm working a lot. I don't have clarity on why I'm doing things, and I'm just kinda like going through the motions, which is again, analysis paralysis, where you're just kind of overanalyzing things, you're squeezing the stick too hard, you're trying too hard. Then, you know, you become, you become a victim and fall victim to your old patterns and habits. That's why I'm saying none of these things go away forever. But the reason why it's, it's important to have clarity around these things is so you know what you're working for. You know, you know why you're in the trenches of your mind, the trenches of the days, and the trenches of your life. To see this, to see this success and to put in that work. You know, I always bring it back to the fitness side of things.'cause fitness is very tangible. You know, we can always talk about tracking macros, tracking meal plans, you know, systemizing our nutrition, tracking our workouts, going to the gym and putting in all the work. Um, but sometimes it's harder to do for mental health. You know, with our career, it's a little easy to do as well. Like, do you need education? Do you need more certificates? Do you need to have more time in the job? Do you just need to wait for a promotion, whatever it may be. So you know what you need in that regard. How do you have clarity around your boundaries? Do you know what I mean? And how do you express your boundaries? How do you make sure you, you're even doing things that are like actually aligned with who you want to become in all these different regards. Like how do you admit to yourself that you're not respected in your relationships, whether it's friends, family, or partners. How do you like talk to yourself about anxiety? You know?'cause the biggest step with that is, is admitting it that you have issues with those, you know, same with depression. Like when I was go getting over my anxiety and depression, I had to admit to myself, I was anxious all the time. I had to admit to myself that I had a problem with isolating myself in the house and not going out and being social because my anxiety was too bad. You know, I had to admit to myself that my depression was bad because I wasn't articulating my emotions properly, my traumas properly, and things I've been through. So I was like letting that. Just like, you know, hold me down and, you know, honestly, burden me, you know, it had me, it had me in in a choke hold. It was horrible. But it's like, how do we manage those things? And at the same time, having clarity around them, like I said at the beginning of the episode, is great, but how do we make sure we manage them to the point where we don't just get. Analysis paralysis where we're just like, do we sit still? Do you know what I mean? So having clarity on these things, like I always break it down to, again, like I've had many podcasts. I talk about having daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals, quarterly goals, and yearly goals. And you know, you don't have to have every single thing down to a T. Like it's great to have an idea as to where you want to be, how you want to be, and how you wanna feel in all these, all these different regards. Of the course of your life, but you don't like, you don't have to have a systemized so much that you feel like you're in jail. You're institutionalized to the grind and showing up and being the best version of yourself. That's why fitness becomes such a burden for so many people, especially when nutrition is, they get over, they get over, um, like analysis paralysis. They get. Over obsessed with the numbers. They get over obsessed with the grind and, you know, fitting themselves into this pigeonhole of what they think is gonna give them success. And it is true. Do you know what I mean? Everything we're talking about here, you can have the best blueprint, the best day to day, week to week, month to month, um, plan for yourself to get better at anxiety, get better at managing your depression. Get better at, you know, looking at yourself in the mirror, more confidence and, you know, managing your, um, your stress and managing, you know, your macros and your working out and your nutrition and all these different things. Yeah, but that plan only does so well if it's working. Do you know what I mean? Like same thing with nutrition. I always bring it back to nutrition, like I said,'cause it's tangible. But you know, you never wanna track your macros and put everything into a tracking app like my FitnessPal, if it's coming at the expense of your life. It's all about getting clarity as to what you need in this time and space. And I, you know, if you work with me for your nutrition and your mindset and all these different avenues of your fitness, you know, I'm a big firm believer of that. You don't need to track. To make me happy. You don't need track for an app to confirm to you that this is where it's at. Yes, you do to a degree depending on where your goals are at. And depending on one, uh, depending on what you want and need, but you don't need to do that all the time. You know, like at the end of the day, it's systemizing the right habits, it's systemizing the right routines to keep this standard high. And that is the exact same thing for your depression, your mindset, your anxiety, your boundaries, and all these regards. Prime example, I can break it down like say you have bad boundaries. You wanna protect your space, your energy, and your time. Feel more heard and respected by the people around you, whether it's your family, your partner, whatever it may be, your friends, then it's not about every single conversation battling people and challenging them. It's about you building up enough confidence to start moving that needle forward, to challenge every other conversation or every more often than not, to make sure you're hurt and seen.'cause nothing's perfect, you know, especially with that work, or especially with fucking family, your family's not gonna sit there and a hundred percent listen to you every single time. Your family is like a Trojan horse because they've grown up with you, your brothers, your sisters, your parents, your mom, dad, like they're gonna get under your skin the most. Do you know what I mean? So it's not about every single time battling with them full your boundaries to make yourself feel esteemed and heard and felt in a good manner. It's about making sure you respect your own energy as well.'cause not everything's worth your time and it's easier. It's obviously a lot easier said than done when it comes to your family, but let's say with your partner, for example. There is a compromise you have to have when you're with a partner and you're gonna marry this person. You're gonna be with them forever. Not everything's gonna be 1000% perfect. It just is what it is. There's gonna be miscommunication. They're gonna deal with stress. You're gonna deal with stress. Life's gonna happen where you guys just kind of headbutts or a butthead, sorry. And like me and Emma get into those little, um, I don't, we don't even call them arguments. We call it miscommunication because it's like she says one thing, I say one thing, we're saying, we're saying the same thing, but it's being interpreted differently.'cause she's saying it one way. I'm seeing it the other way, and at the end of the day, we spend a lot of time together. You know, anyone that spends a lot of time together, there's gonna be points in times in their life where they just, you know, they get on each other's nerves and it's not in a, not on, on purpose. That's the line that you gotta draw with having clarity around these goals. It's not, it's just, where's the intentions at your family? You know, sometimes they do have bad intentions, unfortunately, you know, sometimes with your friends and your partners, they do have bad intentions, but. It's about drawing that line back and forth to understand what's worth your time and not, but having clarity of where you are amongst all of these goals is where you're able to gain the most traction. You know, prime example with your family, if they say something that's upsetting. Most of the time, as long as you know you were heard and seen with what you feel, it's not worth your time. And sometimes you really do gotta lot of let a lot of your family's beliefs and ideologies on life go because you're doing your own thing in your life. They're not supposed to see it a hundred percent. They love you because they love you and they're your family. That is a different conversation, but they're not the end all, be all. We are a partner though. That's a different conversation. You know, their, your partner does need to feel seen and heard and you, you, in the same regard, you know,'cause you guys are committing to each other for a life to build. So there has to be a middle ground where you guys are meeting, meeting in the middle to understand. Both people feel heard, both people feel seen. Both people feel respected. You know, and if you're working on having better boundaries for that stuff, even with your friend groups. There is not a compromise for blatant disrespect. There is not a compromise for not being heard or seen because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if we understand the same language. We can still understand if we're understanding each other from the bare minimum, you know? And if you know what you need from an anxiety depression standpoint. And even with the fitness standpoint, to feel confident looking in the mirror and then, you know, internally feeling confident with what you feel and see in the mirror, then it's like you have to respect those at all costs. And if other people are taking that away from you, then that's the line you wanna balance back and forth in terms of having the right clarity and why it matters, because again. Let's say prime example, let's say every day you're working on your boundaries. And, uh, what I mean by working on your boundaries is, let's say you're reading self-help books, self-development books, you're trying to ingest knowledge and information as to why anxiety operates the way it does. You know, depression operates the way it does. Maybe you're going to therapy, whatever it may be. Maybe you're journaling, maybe you're doing affirmations, gratitude lists. You're doing, you know, self-expressive, self-reflective activities to make sure you're gonna articulate your emotions for yourself and the people around you. Like you gotta be able to balance that with how much work has to be done. For that stuff before you just become obsessed with it. And you know, that's when the analysis paralysis comes out, you know, for yourself. But at the same time, you gotta be able to balance expressing that to everybody else around you because it's not everyone else's responsibility to take care of you in that regard. And prime example of what I can mean by that is for me, starting this journey, it's became with the podcast. It became a self-help for myself expressing my, uh, my, my life with things I was struggling with and also things I was studying, studying anxiety, ingesting information about di uh, um, depression and self-esteem and like confidence and especially from a male point of view. Obviously, since I'm a male and men's mental health and you know, I can't burden Emma with every single thing I'm doing in that chapter of my life. She's a part of that chapter, but that's not her responsibility. Same as her becoming the woman that she wants to become. She has clarity as the woman she wants to become. In every area of her life, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And you know, I can't be burned with her work she's doing for that, but I can support her. So she feels respected, she feels her, she feels seen, and we meet in the middle.'cause not everything I'm doing is for her, not everything she's doing is for me. But as long as we have a mutual understanding that it's for each other within the region of it being individualized, if that makes sense. And that's where you guys gotta balance that clarity because clarity matters a ton. Because if you don't know where the fuck you're going in any area of your life, you're gonna be just, you're gonna be doing nothing. I can't remember the quote that they say, but you know, there's a quote that says something along the lines of, you know, someone that doesn't have any goals will fall for anything. Or fall for nothing. And that's where you don't wanna be caught up. And that's why it's important to have clarity around these goals and clarity around your fitness goals, your mental health, your emotions, your boundaries. Because clarity matters because it gives you direction. Clarity matters because it gives things purpose. Clarity matters because it gives you substance, you know? So if you're doing all the work that you need to be doing for yourself to keep the clarity up, which is like, let's say daily, weekly, you know, journal routines, making sure you're reflecting on the week, making sure you're reflecting every day, and putting yourself in a better position to have a better mental health. That's all you need. You don't need to go to three therapists. You don't need to do, uh, study a bunch of certificates and take a bunch of tests for anxiety. You don't need to do a bunch of these different things to uncover all the deep rooted trauma of your life. And that's something I caught, I got caught up in with was like, you know, what's the purpose of everything? What's the purpose of the things I've been through? And one of my good friends before I moved to Mexico said that to me. He said, my biggest issue. My, my personally said your biggest issue is that you, you think everything has a purpose. Some things just are what they are. Sometimes you just struggle with anxiety because you, you have anxiety that day and that's fucking okay. Sometimes you're struggling with depression because you have depressive symptoms and you're more up to like, you know, that, like that side of life. You know, some people struggle with severe social anxiety where they have trouble being in crowds. It's no different than people's fitness goals, or some people struggle having motivation to go to the gym. It is what it is, but understanding what you struggle with and why and having clarity around it, that's why it matters. So you can continue to move forward. You continue to see that growth and then you know how to balance it all. Because at the end of the day, it's always on you. And I think that's why we all get burdened and we always like, you know, I don't wanna say struggle, but we have that, that deep rooted, like that grit, that energy, that desire. Fire to really change is because we wanna know why we're going through certain things, to understand it, to know what we can do to get outta those positions, and sometimes those positions in our life with having a little bit of anxiety, having a little bit of like, let's say our family never respected us growing up. In our relationships, we're gonna be more up to not feeling respected from smaller things when it could be small mis miscommunication. It could be small things that you can work on with your partner, like putting your hand on my shoulder to make sure I'm still hurt and seen in the same room as you. It doesn't mean that they're going outta the way they ignore you. Like let's say we grew up with a family that was very negligent. Wasn't supportive. Not no words of affirmations or no support. That doesn't mean you carry that trauma into your relationship. That just means in your relationship you understand that what you feel and how you feel in certain regards. So it's not about putting that on your partner and burdening them, but it's about having a small conversation as to why you maybe react in certain things. And again, to share my life and what I've been through is like, you know, as I'm very open and honorable with these things, is. Like with me and Emma, like she fought very hard to keep me around, and it's not that I was being like, oh, like, you know, I don't love you. I don't wanna be around. I had a scarcity mindset. My way of dealing with my anxiety and my depression and my stress and my trauma was to just run away, to isolate myself. Literally the other day we had a conversation about me saying, I need more space for myself, and that makes her feel as if I don't want her around, and that's not what it is at all. That's not what it is at all. Like it's just about me giving myself that mental space because I work too much and I stress too much.'cause analysis paralysis over trying to accomplish so many goals, you know? So then I have these, you know, before I used to just say I used to shut off, I used to ignore everyone. I wouldn't text anybody. I would just like, you know, kind of like go to the gym and kind of isolate myself in the house. I did that before. There was one time, I had three weeks of vacation around Christmas time, and I slept at like one in the morning until 11, 12 in the afternoon, every single fucking day. For three weeks. I didn't go visit my family. I didn't go visit my friends. I didn't even tell most, most people I was on vacation because I just wanted to isolate myself.'cause I feel like I needed a recharge. I think that was like six years ago and. Then when I started to grow and understand about myself, you know, half of that was warranted. I needed more rest. I needed to take time for myself. But the other half was, I isolated myself from a negative standpoint where my family affected, my family got affected'cause they didn't see me, my friends got affected'cause they didn't see me. Emma, I got affected because I didn't go see her or see your family. Like I was very, like in my own zone and I convinced myself that that's what I needed because I was overanalyzing The, the simplicity behind just having simple, basic clarity. You know, same with the gym. Like let's say, you know, to tie up the episode, because I'm gonna say rambling a little bit, but I'm really just trying to give you that picture of why clarity matters. You know where you're going, why you're going, and it's not about perfection, about doing certain things every single day. You don't gotta hop on your right foot and pat your head with your left hand, or hop in your left foot and pat your belly with your right hand. You don't have to do these fucking crazy things. You just gotta know what keeps you in Memento.'cause then that keeps you in a good position to have clarity and what matters. And with the gym, simple thing, we all know and can agree, if you don't move your body, you're not gonna feel good. So the clarity around that is move your body more often than you don't. The next layer of that is how do you move your body to make you feel your best? Is it going for runs? Is it going for swims? Is it going for workouts? And then the next step after that is what do those runs and those swims and those. What goes look like. So, you know, you have the reassurance. The same with nutrition. We can all sit here and say, oh, if we track our nutrition 1000%, our macros 1000%, we know we're gonna be able to look back each day, each week, each month. I fucking crushed it. But what, at the expense of what, what if you wanna go to get a latte at the, at the, at a, at a fucking cafe with your best friend and just shoot the shit? Don't track that. What if you wanna go to dinner with your friends or family, or your fucking partner and just enjoy some food? Like, do you know what I mean? Like this is where that that blurred line comes into. So we all can agree we have to have some type of intention each day and each week and each month with our nutrition, same as we do with our movements. Second layer of that is how much tracking systemizing of that food do we need? For me personally, it's breakfast, dinner, and lunch. Whole foods non-negotiable. Like if you've been around with me for a long time, you know, I say this all the time. I always wake up, have the same breakfast oatmeal with some type of protein. Now being in Mexico, it's been egg whites and eggs, but that's my staple, you know, post gym, I always have some type of chicken meal. Then in the evening, I always have some type of red meat, beef meal. Those are my three concrete meals. Last night I literally had a Domino's Pizza, but I still had chicken with it. I still had a beef meal, uh, earlier in the day. And then I had my, my pre-workout breakfast or my, um, pre-workout oats every single day. And then it's just like, you know, where the standards vary because I have the systemization and the routine around it that I know where I'm at. You know, and I'm in the off season right now, meaning I'm not, like, I'm not really tracking my nutrition 1000%.'cause I'm not going, I'm not getting ready to get on a stage, but I still know where things at. So the next layer after that is making sure that my protein's in check and my hydration's in check. So I still got four to five liters of water and I still got my protein goal and that's it. Do you know what I mean? And those are the metrics that we measure to make sure we stay in success. And same as your journal routine, where it's like you don't gotta do it every fucking day. You don't gotta read a book and learn every single fucking day. But again, how often a week do you have to do it to reduce that risk of following victim to anxiety, following victim to your, um, your depression? Fallen victim to feeling, you know, and I don't wanna say it this way'cause I don't wanna paint everyone at the same picture, but feeling worthless in your relationship. We're not heard or seen or respected in your family, in relationship, you know? And that's why clarity matters a lot because it gives you that direction and that direction is not supposed to come at the expense of your life. That direction is supposed to come at the clarity. Not to fucking make her go wrapped in this same circle, but it's supposed to come at the, the reassurance and that confidence that you are doing what you need on that level to make sure you do gain that success that you want on every area of your life, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You know? So clarity matters a lot. And if you do feel lost, just do a reset. Reflect on your growth. How far have you come? A lot of you guys are where you used to pray to be, whether it's a fitness goal, whether it's a nutrition goal, whether it's a mindset goal, whether it's a boundary. You know, like what boundaries are you respecting now? How much peace do you have now? How much is your anxiety and depression better now When you look in the mirror, how much better are you looking at yourself in terms of being proud now compared to where you were? Of course there's always gonna be work to do. That's why you can't get caught up in analysis paralysis loop because then you get fucked up. Do you know what I mean? So I hope that makes a lot of sense to you guys. That's all I got for today's episode. I think this one hits a little home. Harder for home for me right now.'cause it is something I don't wanna say I'm struggling with. But again, I have all my dream life. I'm looking outside of a window in Mexico right now, living the fucking life that I've always dreamed of. And it's like, what's the next level? You know, without just being like, oh, I need to retire and buy a house and start a family.'cause that where I'm at now. To that level, there's a fucking big difference. Do you know what I mean? There's a lot of life I gotta live before I get there, you know? So how do I have that clarity in between that to not go crazy, but then also have the reassurance and confidence I'm on the right step? You know? So let me know if that makes sense to you guys. I appreciate you guys all, um, you know, just take this fucking energy and be proud of you guys, yourself into this week. Let, let's fucking have a banger fucking week together. Keep bleeding from the front guys. Let's go.